R.I.P.

maybe it's easier for me to pretend you're still here. maybe it's easier for me to contain everything I'm feeling. But the truth is I miss you so much- Grandma, Matt and Toni. I wish you were still with me, I wish I could remember Grandma and Matt's voices. The only reason I remember your faces is because of photos. Toni, I can still hear your voice in my head. One of your lasts requests, was for me to bring you a beer and bring you back some of Blue's smoked ham. Your silent request was for me to spend some time with you, I didn't realize it. I wish I could back and just spend every second with you. I wish I could bring you one more beer and see you smoke one more cigg. I wish I could tell you the influence you have made on my life. I wish I could know how proud you are of me, and to know to feel like someone is. I wish I could hug you and give you a kiss on your cheek. I dont think I ever said thank you for letting me and jen always stay at your place, but thank you. Thank you for everything you have ever done for me. I love you. xoxo

"And if you were with me tonight
I'd sing to you just one more time
A song for a heart so big
God couldn't let it live
May angels lead you in"-Jimmy Eat World