just another moment passing by

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world.
Some are running scared. Some are coming home.
Some tell lies to make it through the day.
Others are just now facing the truth.
Some are evil men, at war with good.
And some are good, struggling with evil.
Six billion people in the world.
Six billion souls.
And sometimes; all you need is
one.

&& i guess the only beauty is we find out more about ourselves. we learn what can destroy us and what can make us stronger. We see what is left behind after a loss- ancient ruins, broken hearts and ourselves. We see other things and its ironic because the person we just lost sees something to- heaven.

we see more because not only has their life affected us but we learned from them. we learn something new everyday- we may think we do not but in someway each person gives us something new. we find truths that we never thought were present before. Truths that only a certain person can give us and it is up to us to make the best of the life we're living.

But i guess the main truths are they want us to be happy, go on living life, to love like no tomorrow but most importantly that no matter how sad we may be life is just waiting to begin.

but the truth is; im soooo happy for you guys

Dear Grandma, i miss you. i love you. i need you. i cant remember how you smell or your voice or those delicate hugs. honestly, it scares me. almost 5 years later; and i still want you back. i wish i could turn to you for advice. i wish i stayed the night at the cabin each and every time you asked me to. i wish i could have a dream about you. i wish you could tell me everything was okay. i wish you could just be here. i wish we could have our sundaes and talks. i wish i remembered how to read tea leaves. i wish i could remember everything. i need you. i always have needed you. i love you sooo much; i feel like i didnt tell you enough. i love you. and i really need you.



Dear Uncle Matt, i miss you and watching NASCAR even though i never understood it and got bored. I miss you and i love you. i miss having the family parties at your house. i miss closeness i had with you and callie. i wish i could have my friend back. i wish i could stop holding the grudge i know you aren't proud of that. i wish i just see you one more time. to be honest the only reason i remember your face is because of the photo you took in big bear. i miss those last memories. i still have my snoopy. i don't know why i wanted it; but i did. and i guess the reason i have it is because i can remember the one last time i had with you. i miss you.



Dear Blake, i hope you met my grandma and uncle and grandpa. i miss and love you. i love the guy i knew you as; the carefree loving guy. the guy who make a totally embarrassing situation into a cool one. i wish i remembered your voice. i wish i could have just one more big bear hug. i can totally feel you right next to me when im in Newport. i wish i could have gotten to know you better; i wish i had kept in contact with you after our frosh year. i wish we had realized all the friends we had in common; maybe we would've hung out more. I wish i could just spend one more lunch with you. i wish you were here; but thanks for visiting me in my dreams- i love it. i wish i saw you at the PHS graduation. i love you and miss you blakee.

picking up the pieces

"Maybe the moon's just a whole in the sky
One day at a time my world is shatterin
Maybe the answers to never ask why
As I watch my life unravelin"

Heres everything that's on my mind plain and simple. I'm not super woman nor will i try to be anymore. I know no matter what i need to live life because there's things i cant change. There is one thing i can change though- MY happiness. So i'm living each day as if it's my last.

my Godfather is in stage 4 of cancer, he's in surgery as i sit here typing. He's been so strong through this and i'm proud; but at the same time worried. School starts in the winter. New boy is amazing, although we're currently just friends. I feel like im gaining a piece of myself that I've lost. I'm the strongest person according to most of my friends, yet i break down from time to time. I'm complicated yet so simple. i have the bestestestest friend ever named Jenifer, and we have countless memories. I'm living life the way i want. Things aren't perfect nor do i ever except them to be. So all in all life has been good; but i'm determined to make it GREAT.


xoxo
me

P.S.

its good news; no new cancer, just scar tissue that was messin things up :]

so lately i felt like i have been closer to god. If you know me, you know im not a religious person. But lately i just felt like i'm closer to god. I've been praying alot. Honestly, it feels good. It feels really good. I know my beliefs aren't exactly, well, what any religious person would call "right" but i have my own views on God and how i think i can live. I feel like I'm on the right path. I havent been to church in a long time; a really long time. But honestly i feel okay. I'm happier than i've been in a long time. Thank god. no pun intended. thats the right saying right?